Advice to all old widows to live thereafter

Your widows over fifty years
Keep quiet, be very honourable,
Love the life of being alone:
Remain where God has placed you,   
Give him your heart:
And don’t go dancing
With Heinz, Kunz, Hans, Fritz or Franz.
They are not reliable
As many a woman may imagine –
They only love your money;
Without it you are loathsome.
I know it; take note of what I say.
You are only a bother for the men;
They do not love you.
If they pose as friendly
Their heart is far from it;
They deceive themselves.
They go to bed sighing,
Get up with lamenting;
Look at you askance with grieving.
The old blood kills the spirit;
Nothing that you do is pleasant,
No jesting goes to their heart.
Trust me, I am showing you the truth;
An old woman with a man
Can never ever flourish.
I have seen many examples
Of what strange things happen
When old women wed.
One has learned from the neighbours
How they were dragged by their hair
In their old age:
So that I thought: O poor woman,
How your old body is being abused;
You may speak of unhappiness,
You have made a bad deal
Because you have taken
This blow from your husband.
Truly, there is no prospering
When old women wed;
Regrets will come.
How many a man falls into adultery
And into the hand of the Judge?
Dear old woman, please tell,
Where does this come from? One asks:
Have you not been the cause?
Yes, certainly you have been guilty
That the man cannot love you:
For there is nothing to see
In your body and face
Which may move them to love –
He may look in front or in back;
With an old woman no man can become vigorous
Be he in bed or at the table;
Think about this you old ones.
Wedlock is not suitable for you;
No man will be revived for you;
Who can hold it with an old one?
They are a purgatory for men.
Many a one who has got his money at a price
Would soon be free of it again:
They say: O that I had a young wife
With whom in the marriage bed
I can stretch out my limbs.
I have acted very foolishly
Since I have let myself be bound thus
For the sake of mere money.
O phew the disgrace, who will loosen the band?
Is there no one in the whole land
Who can soften my sorrow?
May God condemn that Parson to Hell
Who united me with the old post;
He acted treacherously;
May the plague overtake him.
He spoke: grow and multiply
But knew that it was impossible.
Alas! Alas! It has happened;
Things that have happened cannot be changed;
Gone is my joy and laughter:
My heart is stirred to groaning
As often as I see her move about;
Oh, oh, how am I to live?
Who will help me? Who will stand for me?
Who will loose me from her again?
Who can end my suffering/
No one without God: He helps in trouble
I pray that he will death
Send to my old one.
This kind of talk, one hears, and lots more.
O dear old one, that’s how it is;
Daily he wishes you dead;
Curses both time and hour
In which you he did wed;
Nothing about you is agreeable:
And this is the saddest
Which takes away all pleasure and joy –
He cannot become a father; He cannot beget children from you.
As long as you live, he must be
On earth a barren tree.
Your magnetism has lost its power.
No born will be born from you.
That brings pain into the heart
And hurts him when he sees
In the neighbour’s house children
Having fun with their father:
When they, as tender plants young and fresh,
Sit with their mother at the table
By his side,
When looks at them the husband
Of the old woman and says then:
What shall bring me delight?
In my house I have no amusement;
Lonely am I with the old woman
Who cannot cheer me!
Oh, that I have been thusly wed!
How my precious time is wasted;
I rue my days;
Thus you old women see
What happens in your marriage.
Stop his complaining
By remaining unwed in purity,
Then you will not suffer grief
Nor vexation for the men.
I you want to be well.
Then leave marriage
For the young women;
For there is hope yet;
A young woman can help
Her husband build a world.
An old woman can serve
Only to sit quietly
Or attend to her children’s children
And be helpful –
To cradle them, diaper them, keep them clean,
And to wash their behinds:
That’s because God gives you strength
And other things you can do at home
With sewing or spinning.
Trust God and pray in times of trouble,
Then you will will your bread
Without a man,
God receives the needy;
He is the man for all pious widows,
A father to their children:
Who knows what each needs,
Who gives necessities and provisions;
His treasure never decreases.
Look only to him, to no one else;
Take everything from him hand;
Be thankful for his gifts;
Willingly and gladly be poor as rich;
May it be alike to you if God
Feeds you by angels or by ravens.
Have you leftovers, give to him who asks
In a pious Christian way;
Have you not much, give a little.
Teach the young people
To fear God and to honour their elders,
To live with their neighbours in peace.
In humility, breeding, and piety
Be an example to the young women;
Lead them in virtue;
Teach them to honour their husbands,
To rule the house, to better the welfare,
And to raise the children well.
May each one earn his lesson,
Then everything will be well at home;
It is fitting to praise it.
Therefore as widows it is fitting
To walk in a Christian manner
With teachings and instructions.
Be patient in poverty,
Joyful in adversity,
And do not be afraid.
Hope for the best and trust truly
That God will not leave in need
Those who trust his promise.
Then riches and money will fall to your share.
On the world do not be dependent
To delight yourself in it:
But as true Christians
Do not set your heart, mind and spirit
On fleeting, worldly goods.
In the joy of God spend your time,
Read and prey, sing and write;
Set a good example for all.
If you cannot read, listen,
And meditate in quiet;
God is well pleased with this.
Thus his praise will be spread abroad
And the majesty of his name
Cultivated in every place;
Always help where you can
And with diligence that you will gain much
With works and words.
In the good life continue on,
Do your deeds according to God’s Word,
Go to the Temple diligently;
Listen to what is said
And continue to pray;
Follow Hannah’s example:
Who spent her time chastely,
Served the Lord day and night,
Put her trust in him:
Therefore salvation was granted to her.
This is the true manner of widows,
God will see to their welfare;
They will see him
In a green pasture.
Blessed are such women.

These my brief reflections I have wanted to share with Casparo, Christiano, and Frederico-Hermano Hoyers, my dear sons, and all young fellow and young and old men, who strive for honour and want to be wed, I commend them to God’s grace.

A man who desires to be wed
Should first of all ask God for Grace:
And afterward follow through
With Anna Owena Hoyer’s advice:
He who doesn’t will suffer misfortune.
It is painful for me to see
An old woman stand before a parson,
To let herself be wed to a man.
No pleasure, joy or amusement
Can be had with an old woman;
Her appearance brings an aversion.
Whom can that not hurt?
O poor man who has pledged
To thus spend his time
Without fruit, joy and pleasure!
All his work is lost;
It is courting misery.
There is no sweetness!
No matter how one adorns her,
Let the pope, bishop, father, lord and servant
Chatter, talk intimately or rage;
Even if they declare it suitable,
I do not like it.
I consider the marriage of old women
A form of honest harlotry,
To tell the truth:
But no one will listen to me;
My advice finds no lodging, so to speak,
But yet I must attempt
To say: It is an abomination
That such should be in wedlock
Who no longer can be fit for it.
Look at the end of such a marriage,
I pray you all once again,
Look with your own eyes.
“Grow and multiply,” said the Lord;
No old woman can do that;
Is not such a marriage abominable?
O dear men, young and old,
Stay away from old women;
I warn you conscientiously:
For in such a marriage
God’s blessing cannot flourish.
Such a marriage belongs
To the horrors of destruction;
The spirit of life is choked,
Many goods are demolished,
The Lord’s anger and judgment incurred,
And the conscience is seared;
Think well about this:
Do not give your noble freedom,
Masculine strength and charm
To old women.
It is fitting, though,
That one honours old women,
Because the Scripture teaches to do so,
When they conduct themselves nobly,
Teaching the young women to be
Chaste, submissive and economical.
If they are honourable to old ones,
Their hope is in the Lord;
He is the one whom they desire.
And to know none other
In their widowhood one should
Stretch out a helping hand to them,
Name them dear mother:
But wife, that is too much
And too far ahead of the goal,
Therefore, let such remain
In their retirement and unanimity,
The without remorse and pain
Beguile time with joy.
If a man is already old,
He is no longer able to grow and reproduce
Or build up his house
And place new joists,
Namely dear little children,
With a young woman;
But a young man in the house
With an old woman
Accomplishes nothing;
Nothing can be done with her.
Her breasts are empty;
There is nothing left in them.
The old body is full of complaints;
Nothing good can be born from it.
Therefore, you suitors, I advise you,
Choose a young, virtuous woman,
Then your pedigree will sprout;
She can increase your generation
And wait upon you in love,
Serve you in all things.
Those who do this, O weal to them
Let old women be untouched,
Unmolested and undisturbed;
Bring a young virgin into the house
And thus honour your marriage.
Whoever doesn’t do this is vexed;
He will suffer disgrace.

From Women Writers of the Renaissance and Reformation. Katharina M. Wilson (ed.). Athens and London: University of Georgia Press, 1987